The Soap Opera That Is Life...

To Be Or Not To Be.... That Is The Question!

2011-01-11T09:45:00.001-07:00

In the words of Mary Katherine Gallagher: My feelings would be best expressed by a monologue from the play Hamlet... *uh hem*

To be single, or not to be single: (dramatic pause for effect)........ that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as a couple,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them as a single woman? The relationship to die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that is dating...

Ok alright, so I might have taken a teensy tiny bit of poetic license on that soliloquy in order to make it fit my thoughts a little better. I'm sure Shakespeare wouldn't mind right??

This thought has been on my mind recently (well now that I am getting a little older), do we stay with a guy because he is "fun" but see no long term future with him, or do we save ourselves the time and effort and just end the thousand natural shocks that is dating?? That really is the question!

You know as much as I hate to admit it, the answer to this question seems to lie with age. When I was a spry young girl I would date just for the fun of it. If a guy called and wanted to go out, I'd happily say yes not even thinking about the future. Now as a ~~decrepit~~ wiser woman, I find myself weighing my options a little more before answering in the affirmative: is my time investment in this man going to be returned? is this just for fun or can I see a real future with him? is there potential here?

I mean, what happened to the carefree days of yore when we just went lah-dee-dah along our way, thinking more about the giddiness of the moment rather than the reality, and when did this reality sneak into my life?? At 29 years old should I still daydream like in my youth or is it time to buckle down and get serious about things? Sigh.... I guess that depends who you'd ask. If I asked this question of my friends they'd say "go out, have fun and who cares if there is a future or not, a free meal is a free meal." Now if you asked my parents it would be a very different answer, "Kirsten, isn't it time to settle down yet? Think about your future and where you want to be in a 5 years!" Ah, this is the life of the in-between. Not old enough to be old and serious, longing for my youth, but also not young enough to just wile away the hours with someone for a free meal. What is a tweener to do???

The conclusion I've come to is in order to make my inner 20 yr old happy and to keep my 29 yr old happy, every now and again I need to just accept the free meal for what it is... a free meal..... and enjoy my time! There are many years ahead that I can worry about dating potential and progress. So, it is better to live in the gray in between single and taken while I navigate the world of dating. When I find the one with potential for the future I'm sure I will finally have the answer to the questions: to be or not to be single!

"Sorry.... question mark"

2010-12-21T12:24:00.001-07:00

There once was a girl who went on a date with a boy to a land of wonderful Thai cuisine. She winked and smiled, twirled and flipped, leaning in to show of her interest. He talked about his life, his job and his studies and family memories which all made him smile. She shared her interests and hobbies and skills in hopes they would continue their lovely banter. He continued to impress her with his wit and his sincerity, even down to his nervous energy.... well that was until about 15 minutes into the date when something rather peculiar began....

"So how does your food taste, dot, dot, dot?"

"Um...my food tastes really good, thank you for picking this place."

"That's good! I love this place! So how was work?"

"It was really stressful today, I'm so glad it is over!"

"Ya that's no fun, sorry question mark"

"Um that's ok? I guess that happens at work from time to time right?"

"Does it, dot, dot, dot..."

Yeah.... you get the picture. Try to imagine if you will how utterly annoying it is for someone to continually SPEAK their punctuation! Yes, SPEAK IT. It got to the point where I was ticking down the minutes with every spoken punctuation until I could get out of there! It was like watching a bad impression of Victor Borge's comedy sketch and I was strapped by etiquette to my seat! I wish I could say that punctuation guy and I did not go out again, but alas, I did indeed commit to another date. And honestly, the punctuation thing hasn't been as bad as it was the first time... the problem lay elsewhere with this poor guy, but that is a discussion for another day.....

For those of you who too young to know who Victor Borge is, here is the link for your understanding... a rose is a rose even if it's old enough to know Victor Borge..... :)

A rose by any other age....

2010-12-21T12:06:00.002-07:00

After a recent move to the uncharted wilds of Utah, I have been interested in the inexplicable preoccupation with my age. Yes, I know I am closing in on the infamous 30, but when did this become of public concern?? So it has motivated me to confront this glaring issue and ask: Who the heck cares what my age is?? I've come to find that it's not so much the question or the age that bothers me, it's more of the sympathetic tilt of the head and the response "but you are so cute" that usually comes after my response to the question that really gets under my skin. Should I be less cute because I am now closer to 30 than 20? This makes no sense to me. Or is it that the general population believes only not cute people should be able to make it to 30 without being married?

I took this question to my co-worker, a 24 year old single male, who simply stated: "Women are like wine, they get better with age." Now, I know he meant this to be a compliment but I couldn't help but think that this was also not an acceptable way of looking at things. So should I wait till I am 40 before I am good enough to be had??? No! Either way you look at it, there is stigma with the age. Either I am too old to be single, or not old enough to be sweet.... make up your mind world!

I am simply a tweener roaming the world in between being too old and not old enough. Too old for the sweet, non-jaded early 20-somethings, and not old enough to be a cougar. After much thought regarding this, I have determined to challenge this concept of how old is too old or not old enough with my own declaration:

"A rose by any other age would still smell as sweet."

So to anyone who asks my age I will simply remind them that it does not matter! Regardless if I am 23 or 33, I would still smell as sweet and still be me.... so take it or leave it!

Types of Men- the Manther

2010-06-01T14:31:00.002-07:00

As I was perusing Urbandictionary.com (one of my fav websites by FAR!) I came across this type of man with whom I have recently become acquainted: The Manther. This is the male version of a cougar, or an older man who preys on young girls. It's funny even as I say that I think "ew what a creeper!" I know, I know, with the whole cougar thing this is me pot calling the kettle black, but still... ew....

I was at a party recently and there were far too many Manthers for my liking. The problem with these guys is that they are so bitter and jaded that they become extremely full of themselves. If I were to hold up a mirror for them they would see the suave and debonair man they once were when they had hair and an age that started with a 2. These guys spend a lot of time in the gym getting ripped and then stop by the tanning salon to grab them some color. They look at themselves and think "man I have never looked so good, I'm gonna get me a hottie that looks as good as me!" Anyway, I digress... back to the party.... seeing as I am still in my 20's, I am still considered Manther bait and those Manthers are out on the prowl. As I sat by the pool I could see the guys looking at me and each would take their turns coming up to "introduce themselves" and try to put their arm around me as many times as possible. The women their age sat across the pool glowering at them, or maybe me I couldn't really tell which one they were looking at. Any girl likes attention, and at first I will admit I was a little carried away with all the attention until someone stopped me in my tracks! As one particularly tanned and bulky man was taking his turn talking to me, this girl (I could almost say woman, that's how old she is) walked up, looked at me, then at him and said "dad, I'm ready to go." I looked at this young woman who was approximately my height, with makeup and an ASU t-shirt and was quickly doing the math in my head trying to figure out how old this guy must really be. After some response in the affirmative, he leans over to me and says "that's my daughter. I'm such a proud dad, she just finished her first year at ASU. Hey didn't you say you went to ASU too?" I mean really! What do you say to that??!! Uh yes, I actually DO go to ASU, maybe I'll cross paths with your daughter and we can be BFF's and maybe you can pick me up after class when you pick up your daughter too! Um no.... I don't want to date a guy who could be my dad... NEXT!

Any girl that is my age and still single knows exactly what I am talking, and has been through this situation. They have seen the balding 40 something year old guy still attending the Young Single Adult activities because as they say, they are young at heart. Well 40 yr old creeper, you aren't, just accept it and stop touching my shoulders! Anyway... that's all I have to say on that topic for now.....

It's a jungle out there for reals girls! Happy hunting!

A Guy's Perspective

2010-06-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a guy after a date or during those precious "dude" moments?? Well I know more than I ever needed to know after reading the Mormon Bachelor Pad blog. Calvin and Jake share raw, real emotion (well real is still being debated as they changed their names and the names of those involved leaving readers wondering if this is just some fat middle-aged man living out his fantasies through blog postings) as they try to navigate the wilds of the dating world in Provo, Utah. You'll laugh, cry (over their stupid mistakes) and roll your eyes at their antics. But really, you'll just know what you are up against when it comes to dating. I just couldn't pass up sharing this jewel. Happy reading!

Defined....

2010-04-15T10:38:00.001-07:00

Alright, I have gotten quite a lot of feedback regarding the term "cougarette." Many people seem to think I should be calling myself a Puma, however, as Urban Dictionary points out, I am too young to be a Puma hence the birth of the cougarette. One day maybe I will rise through the ranks of women to cougardom, but until then I am happy to be referred to as a cougarette. I know this might be confusing for some, so I would like to differentiate the various levels. Oh yeah, let's break it down now!

Cougarettes- AKA "cougars-in-training", it is at this point that a women is beginning the journey to cougardom by completing her education, starting her professional career whatever that may be, and beginning to identify her strengths and weaknesses in order to better attract prey. During this stage, Cougarettes are building their self-awareness skills, gathering dating and life experiences and increasing their confidence and self-esteem. These are women in their 20's not yet old enough to be dating men extremely younger then them as they would be dating jail bait, and that's just gross. The main idea in this stage is to date as many people possible in order to gather the experience needed in the future stages.
Pumas- Pumas are women in their early to mid 30's dating men who are currently in their 20's. This is basically the learner's permit stage to cougardom, once you prove your skills and have allotted sufficient time, your training wheels will come off and you will be catapulted into cougarhood. This stage is defined by a marked increase in confidence, self-worth, experience and skills with the men. Pumas often roll in packs and can be found draped across a young man or two at parties or gatherings.
Cougars- This is the Holy Grail, you have arrived finally at this stage. Training wheels are off and you now have a license to hunt. Prey is now younger than you by 10 years or more without the worry of being arrested or having to go to prom with them. A cougar is characterized by her ability to take care of herself monetarily and physically, with smoldering curves and the charm of only and experienced woman can have. Men are easily taken by her as they can not resist the alluring glances of this woman as she is stalking her prey. Oh yes women, you have arrived at this stage. Men can't resist you and you now have your pick, do you play nice with a young and energetic man, or do you play hard ball with an older more experienced gentleman? Your choice ladies.

Whew, with that out of the way I would like to just say thanks for reading my blog! Feel free to comment or post questions! I love comments and the stories everyone shares! Up-coming topics: types of men and why to stay away from them or which ones to love, how to attract prey and more horrificly funny dating stories! Enjoy!

Top Things Never To Do EVER (For Guys!)

2010-04-05T16:27:00.005-07:00

This entry is mostly for the purpose of cleaning up the dating world from all the slackers, bad-mannered, idiotic men that are plaguing the female society. Yes girls, this one is for you! Please accept this as my public service announcement against dating faux pas that seem to be happening across the globe. So women, forward this to the men in your life and prevent them from falling into these pitfalls and endangering other females out there. Friends don't let friends date idiotic guys....

1. The term "powerful thighs" is not and will never be a compliment. If you want to compliment a girl as a general rule stay away from talking about her hips, thighs or love handles and focus on her eyes or her shiny hair!

2. When a girl says she would like to go for a casual, laid back evening, this does not mean eating pre-made sushi from AJ's Fine Foods. Please guys, just because it says "Fine Foods" at the end does not make it suitable for dating, it's still a GROCERY STORE!

3. If you are taking a girl to a store it better be for a purpose other than the fact that you've run out of body wash and want her opinion on what smells "manly." First of all, your man card was revoked the moment you used the term "body wash," and second, being incapable of picking out a masculine smell is worrisome at best.

4. A winky face is not the equivalent to the "get out of jail free" card in Monopoly. "Wow, put on a little weight huh? ;-)" Oh yes, the combination of a semi-colon and parenthesis really did the trick to quell my anger.... NOT!.

5. Hey guys, my eyes are up here! (Enough said)

6. Seriously guys, if you spend 45 minutes talking to one girl GET HER PHONE NUMBER! Too much of our time is being wasted by the guys who are all talk and no action! With the new millennium on us and women juggling the single life, gym time, career, education, etc, we just cannot spare those 45 mins on time stealers! If she sat there and talked to you for that long without making an excuse to leave, she is into you so get her number! So help me, if I hear "I just didn't get the chance to get your number" again I will scream. Seriously, 45 mins was not long enough for you? Did you need to waste another 15 mins to round out the whole hour that I could've been shamelessly flirting it up with a guy who has the guts to ask for the number????

7. I'm sorry but you cannot simultaneously date roommates, for reals people, everyone knows that! And by asking them both for permission does not make it ok. For example: "Hi ladies, I have this problem I want to share with you. See I like you both and would like to date you both, is this going to be a problem?" (For reals someone said this to me, I can't make this stuff up!) Uh... yes, this clearly shows that there is a problem.... with your BRAIN!

I could go on forever, but I will just stop here. Really, what is wrong with some of these guys out there? Were they raised in a barn?? Ladies, it is our job to train them up right and mold their impressionable minds. Yes, we are like the masked crusaders out there trying to save the world from bad dates one impressionable man at a time.

Off to save another innocent soul from dating disaster,

Sincerely,

The Crush Crusader

*PS- if you have tips to share, please comment on this blog and spread the good word around!

Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome

2010-02-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

Every girl has had that moment where they imagine a tall, dark and handsome man riding up on the white horse and sweeping them away for a romantic sunset ride at least once in their lives. Granted it's usually when we are in a dead-end relationship or day-dreaming over some unfinished homework, but still, it happens! I never thought this fantasy would come true, until that fatefully Monday afternoon that my Spanish Cowboy rode up and swept me away for a sunny afternoon ride. I have to tell you, it was the utmost romantic date I had EVER been on! He stretched his hand out and hoisted me on to the saddle snuggled up right against him. I need to interject her and state that he is the HOTTEST guy ever, you look into his dreamy eyes and forget everything you were about to say.... sigh... Anyway, back to the story at hand. As I relaxed into him on the saddle I began to strike up conversations with him.

Me: So what is your horse's name?
Cowboy: my horse's name?
Me: yes, what is her name?
Cowboy: her name is Susannah

Me again: So how often do you ride her?
Cowboy: Ride her?
Me: yes, how often do you take Susannah for a ride?
Cowboy: Oh... every day

At this point I am thinking he is either hard of hearing or I am speaking a different language.... and then it hits me! I am speaking a different language! See I met Mr. Cowboy at a latin dance in Mesa and we did talk a little, but didn't go too far past the beginning questions. It never crossed my mind that he no habloed ingles. I was at a crossroads: do I keep going with this man who doesn't understand me, or do I just laugh at the situation and move on. After so many years of dating I began to think that a language barrier might not be the worst barrier I have ever come across and it might be nice not to be back talked or fought with, just to have a hot spanish cowboy on my arm smiling... ok, don't judge me.... I entertained this idea for longer than I am willing to admit, but did concede that this might possibly not be the kind of relationship I would like to be in, so I politely thanked him for the ride and turned to watch my Spanish Cowboy ride off into the sunset that day with the memory of my tall, dark and handsome man who had ridden up on his white horse and swept me away for a magical afternoon. Maybe someday another smoldering cowboy will ride up on a white horse and sweep me away, and actually speak my language! Until then..... cougarette signing out!

One is the loneliest number....

2010-01-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

As the cougarette wanders the wilds of single life, the thought dawns on her that one truly can be the loneliest number that she's ever known. Now it is important for the cougarette to remain single and steadfast in order to be open to practicing her heartbreaker skills such as flirting, caressing, attention getting and so forth that might be frown upon by a serious suitor. Listen, I am not heartless, I know that this is setting myself up to be on my own for quite a while (that's right, cougarville is still quite a few years away) but this is a sacrifice I am willing to make to refine my art. Every artist must bleed for their art right?! Anyway, these thoughts lead me to the importance of the next lesson in my cougarette training: self-efficiency. It is important to build a strong foundation of confidence and self-esteem if you wish to ever achieve the upper-echelons of cougarhood! Now there may be some lonely nights, and some tears on the pillow during this stage of training, but the silver lining is that someone undertaking this lesson will walk away with an increased sense of who they are and how awesome they are!

See there are 2 different kinds of cougars out there. There is the sad, lonely old ladies that sit at the bar all by themselves secretly thinking about her dozens of cats at home trying to think about whether she remembered to feed them before leaving or not. And then there is the svelt cougar with the smokey eyes, push-up bra offering the proper support, leaning against the bar smiling and chatting away with those around her. So what is the difference? Confidence! This is where the lesson comes in... it's important to cultivate talents and strengths in order to build confidence in yourself. This is a lesson that will not only benefit the cougarette or the cougar, but it'll also benefit the prey... I mean partner she settles down with! He will appreciate the glow the confidence and the stability it brings.

The second part of this lesson is simple, when you are busy and expanding your horizons, loneliness is no longer at the forefront of your mind making the journey through the wilds of life alone a little more manageable, and help make the journey more fun as you learn new things and take new risks in your life!

Anal Retentive and diet go together well!

2009-12-30T18:12:00.001-07:00

I've gotten really serious about eating healthy and trimming down and if you don't believe me then check my fridge! Ya I'm a little over the top right now with thoughts of low-cal, proteins, carbs and low-fat swimming ferociously through my brain. I think because school is out and work on hiatus I have found a replacement for all my energy and brain power.... add a little procrastination of laundry and you have a refrigerator organized by nutritional value as illustrated in the picture above. The top shelf is fruits and vegetables (with the exclusion of milk that could not fit on it's appropriate shelf), middle shelf is designated for proteins and lastly the bottom is saved for carbs. Like I said, over the top yet functional. See when I come to my fridge to make a meal I know to grab lots from the top shelf, atleast one thing from the middle shelf and limit the bottom shelf. Since I'm a person that finds some unexplainable sense of satisfaction each time I draw a line crossing off something on my list, this system works for me. (Warning: this tip is only for those slightly neurotic and not faint of heart) So if you need a little organization or need to be prepared for quick grabs in the fridge, this may work for you.

I also came across one calorie saving tip that you might want to try. Now hear me out, don't knock this before you have tried it! I have switched to drinking powdered milk. I know, I know I'm talking crazy to some of you, but you'd be amazed how little calories there are in a glass of reconstituted powdered milk versus skim milk. Here's the skinny: 1 cup of reconstituted milk has only 80 cal, 0 g of fat and 8 g of protein versus skim milk: which contains 102 calories per cup. If you are a big milk drinker or cereal eater this substitute may be a good solution for you. That is a 22 calorie savings each day or 154 cals a week. So before you scoff at this tip, try it! Some brands I suggest are Moo Cow and the one I drink which is Sun Isles Instant Dry Milk which is found at Fresh and Easy. To top it all off, the price of one bag of dry milk (which is the equivalent of 48 quarts) is the same price as one gallon of milk. Think of the money and calories you will save! So while you are scoffing, I am saving up my calories for a milky way.... mmm.... almost there!

That's Ms. Cougarette to you!

2009-12-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

A couple people have asked about my recent weight loss goals and what lit the fire under me. Well, three years ago I was a 135lb, freshly dumped 25 year old woman preparing to return to college full-time. Little did I know I was embarking on a new adventure and a complete life change. I struggled to adapt to this new and as stress took over and time contraints forced me into the drive-thru's of my favorite restaurants the pounds crept on. Now this isn't the whole problem, because of a very hectic schedule and my poor broken heart I have spent most of my time avoiding dating rather than seeking it out. This wasn't all bad as I have learned a lot about myself, what I'm looking for in life and how to rely on myself to find happiness. However, it has also set the stage for the psychological/emotional reasoning for losing weight. I know what you are thinking, "you don't need to lose weight to get a man," and I have to say I TOTALLY AGREE! But... let me paint a good picture for you to let you in on my thinking (this is rather scary, but go with it!), this picture comes courtesy of urbandictionary.com: "An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. " Now with my educational goals coming to an end I knew I need to set another goal in which I can work towards... to be a cougar!

To become a cougar one must be at the top of her game and must be willing to work! To prove my dedication to the art of becoming a cougar I am dubbed myself a "cougar-in-training" or better said, a cougarette. In order to fully perfect the craft of being a cougar I must hone my skills and go through a thorough training process which includes achieving and maintaining a youthful body and youthful endurance. This is where the weightloss has comes from. I figure if I'm going to be attracting those 25 and younger I must get back to the shape I was in when I was that age. So as part of my training and in order to be true to the cougarette name I am fighting the good fight against the bulge and the damage age has done to my body. You and I both know that our bodies are not spry like our 18 year old bodies were and this is my way to get my endurance back up to where it once was.

Once my physical goal is achieved, I will work on finding the perfect padded bra as previously mentioned. I'm pretty sure I have the attitude part down that is associated with being a cougar, but I think there is some refining to the attitude that could be done! My parents are cringing reading this post, but I am sure that will soon be replaced by a proud glint in their eyes when they set their gaze on their grown-up finely crafted cougar of a daughter!

The Freshman 15...

2009-12-14T13:16:00.001-07:00

We've all heard of the "freshman 15" before, those dreaded pounds that creep up on us college students as we get so frantic in school all we can handle is a quick drive-thru run between study sessions and sharing all our junk food obliviously with our friends... well I'm going on too many years in school and have finally hit the age where my metabolism is no longer on my side and my 15 has crept on me. I have started working out at the gym and working with my personal trainer Juan, and yet have not even dropped a pound! What is up with that?? If I were a guy I would just quit drinking soda or stop eating candy bars and BAM! all my weight would melt off. Now, there is some weight I'm looking to keep on, like the extra cup size and the curves that guys seem to be commenting on more and more these days, but everything else has GOT TO GO! A friend of mine recently suggested I join the HCG craze, but you know what? I don't really want to eat like I'm a prisoner of war being let out of my cell just long enough to scavenge a rodent from the nearby field, besides my love of food and HATRED of hunger just doesn't allow for that. Some people are comfort or emotional eaters, well I realized I'm a mindless eater. Sometimes I look down at my hand and think, "what am I eating?" Something about munching soothes my soul....

After all this self-reflection, and after a bowl of ice cream, I came to the conclusion that if I want my 18 yr old body back I have got to crack down and fix my diet! All this working out is for naught when I eat all the calories I burned back. So starting today I am on an "I hate to be hungry, but I don't need to overeat or eat junk food anymore" diet. My goal is to cut the sugar, increase my protein intake and cut out the fat. Hopefully this will supercharge my weightloss and make each drop of sweat that rolls off my forehead worth all the effort! So far today has been a great day. I'm proud to say that I have followed all the eating rules my trainer has set for me: eat more egg whites, check.... one protein shake a day, check... and no more sugar, check check! I'm taking it one day at a time, but so far so good. Cross your fingers and think happy thoughts for me as I begin my mission to feel better, be healthier and get my body in order! If any of you out there have the same goals in mind, let me know your tips and techniques and we'll work through it together!

Love Lessons from grocery shopping on a Friday night

2009-08-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago I would not have been caught dead in a grocery store on a Friday night, I would have been at home dialing up all of my girl friends to see where the party or fun times were at. Fast forward through the years, a full time job and school, and Friday nights have become more of a day to finally relax than it is to be social. This particular Friday night found me sitting on my bed channel surfing, just generally vegging out when I was hit with a sudden and nagging sweet tooth craving. After ignoring it for an hour or so, my mind began dreaming of all the desserts that would satisfy my craving urges.... mmm... donuts... lemon merangue....chocolate ice cream... marshmallow.... It didn't take long and I was up and out of the the door on my way to Frys. I walked in and went straight to the ice cream aisle with the thought that I was just gonna go for it! The sweets world was open to me. Little did I know this shopping experience was going to satisfy some greater urges for me and teach me some very valuable lessons.

Lesson #1- Too much of a good thing ends in heart burn! Last time this sweet tooth struck me I had grabbed a bad of marshmallows, graham crackers and frosting with a side of salt and vinegar chips to off set all of the sweet. After a glutenous night, I awoke with the WORST heart burn and vowed that if I ever made it through this (Dramatic I know, but if you've ever had heartburn you know what I am talking about!), I would never let things get out of control again. Of course, I just had an experience with a guy that was just like this. So sweet, so attentive, so appreciative... too much of a good thing! I of course just let myself go, and what did I end up with? Heart burn! It was wierd, as I grabbed for my massive load of sweets, I thought about him. See I know people can be wonderful and nice individuals, but I have found that in the dating world if they are too much of a good thing, they are gonna be trouble. Most people have insecurities that keep them from being "too much" in the very beginning of a relationship. When they don't, LOOKOUT! They are probably not showing you their true self. I don't mean to sound bitter, it's just a fact of human behavior. As Shrek says, we are like onions and have layers. It is natural to just slowly peel them away, be ware of those who are too much at once because it will often end in heart burn. If you are a too much at once person, I still have love for you but I will also do what I can to take you in small doses that will not feed my glutteny but rather just enough to keep me wanting more.

Lesson #2- Mace scares men, thanks mom and dad. For Christmas this year, my mom and dad gave me the gift of Mace (is that like the modern version of coal?). I work in some really bad neighborhoods and so they decided what I needed to keep me safe was a pepper spray key chain which I carry at all times even to the grocery store on a Friday night! I learned this lesson to be true as I was standing in the cereal aisle after having put back my glutenous sweet tooth fix and moved on to something a little less over the top, when I saw out of the corner of my eye a cute, young guy walking in my direction. I slightly turn and watch as he begins to look me up and down. He scans down and rests on my keys with the pepper spray in plain sight, quickly averts his eyes and picks up his pace. Ok, so the pace of his walk might have been in my mind, but he definitely looked at the pepper spray hanging from my key chain. So ya, use that lesson how you will. If you want to scare away guys carry pepper spray, if you don't leave it at home. Sweet tooth talking.... on to bakery aisle....

Lesson #3- As I walk over to the bakery aisle, I am surprised to see so many people out and about at 9:00 pm Friday night. Maybe they had the same sweet tooth? Kids are running around, some interesting looking people have entered the store, alcohol is everywhere, and strange things are happening... I have the thought, "wow, the full moon sure brought the crazies out tonight." Yes ladies, this is true in the dating scene as well! I don't know what it is but people are different when there is a full moon around. If you walk out and see it glowing brightly in the sky, just remember it will soon go down and those crazies and werewolves will soon go home!

Lesson #4- About an hour later, 4 laps around the store and frustration building, I find myself back at the ice cream aisle where I started. I have looked EVERYWHERE and nothing has stood out to me. Yes, there were plenty of things that would have been good, but I wanted to find something that would fully satisfy my sweet tooth craving. Desperation and frustration begin to take over and I begin to just grab for whatever is in front of me when suddenly I realized, I was settling! Now this lesson is a 2-part lesson. First, even after 4 laps around the "dating store" never settle! It will never fully satisfy you and you will be left feeling let down when the sweet is gone. Second, if you can't find what you are looking for at your store, the go somewhere else! As my hand was reached out to grab the orange cream cake I froze, "what am I doing?? I will not settle!" I turned on my heel and walked straight to my car. As I turned the corner of the parking lot I came head on with what I wanted... QT! I walked in and knew I had found what I wanted. I grabbed a Freezoni and skittles and was finally satisfied and happy. So listen, if at first you don't suceed, look somewhere else!

I know this seems like a lot to learn from just one shopping trip, but every single girl knows these are all lessons we learn at the very wrong times! Why didn't I learn the lesson before my heart got broken rather than in the grocery story after the fact? As men say, "who knows why women do what they do!" This is true, we are what we are. When highs are high our eyes are closed, but the instant we hit the lows our eyes pop wide open. So ladies, just sit back and enjoy the ride when you can, you'll learn our lessons when you get off!