To Be Or Not To Be.... That Is The Question!

In the words of Mary Katherine Gallagher: My feelings would be best expressed by a monologue from the play Hamlet... *uh hem*

To be single, or not to be single: (dramatic pause for effect)........ that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as a couple,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them as a single woman? The relationship to die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that is dating...

Ok alright, so I might have taken a teensy tiny bit of poetic license on that soliloquy in order to make it fit my thoughts a little better.  I'm sure Shakespeare wouldn't mind right??

This thought has been on my mind recently (well now that I am getting a little older), do we stay with a guy because he is "fun" but see no long term future with him, or do we save ourselves the time and effort and just end the thousand natural shocks that is dating??  That really is the question!

You know as much as I hate to admit it, the answer to this question seems to lie with age.  When I was a spry young girl I would date just for the fun of it.  If a guy called and wanted to go out, I'd happily say yes not even thinking about the future.  Now as a decrepit wiser woman, I find myself weighing my options a little more before answering in the affirmative:  is my time investment in this man going to be returned?  is this just for fun or can I see a real future with him?  is there potential here?

I mean, what happened to the carefree days of yore when we just went lah-dee-dah along our way, thinking more about the giddiness of the moment rather than the reality, and when did this reality sneak into my life??  At 29 years old should I still daydream like in my youth or is it time to buckle down and get serious about things?  Sigh.... I guess that depends who you'd ask.  If I asked this question of my friends they'd say "go out, have fun and who cares if there is a future or not, a free meal is a free meal."  Now if you asked my parents it would be a very different answer, "Kirsten, isn't it time to settle down yet?  Think about your future and where you want to be in a 5  years!"  Ah, this is the life of the in-between.  Not old enough to be old and serious, longing for my youth, but also not young enough to just wile away the hours with someone for a free meal.  What is a tweener to do???

The conclusion I've come to is in order to make my inner 20 yr old happy and to keep my 29 yr old happy, every now and again I need to just accept the free meal for what it is... a free meal..... and enjoy my time!  There are many years ahead that I can worry about dating potential and progress.  So, it is better to live in the gray in between single and taken while I navigate the world of dating.  When I find the one with potential for the future I'm sure I will finally have the answer to the questions: to be or not to be single!

"Sorry.... question mark"

There once was a girl who went on a date with a boy to a land of wonderful Thai cuisine.  She winked and smiled, twirled and flipped, leaning in to show of her interest.  He talked about his life, his job and his studies and family memories which all made him smile.  She shared her interests and hobbies and skills in hopes they would continue their lovely banter.  He continued to impress her with his wit and his sincerity, even down to his nervous energy.... well that was until about 15 minutes into the date when something rather peculiar began....

"So how does your food taste, dot, dot, dot?"

"Um...my food tastes really good, thank you for picking this place."

"That's good!  I love this place!  So how was work?"

"It was really stressful today, I'm so glad it is over!"

"Ya that's no fun, sorry question mark"

"Um that's ok?  I guess that happens at work from time to time right?"

"Does it, dot, dot, dot..."

Yeah.... you get the picture.  Try to imagine if you will how utterly annoying it is for someone to continually SPEAK their punctuation!  Yes, SPEAK IT.  It got to the point where I was ticking down the minutes with every spoken punctuation until I could get out of there!  It was like watching a bad impression of Victor Borge's comedy sketch and I was strapped by etiquette to my seat! I wish I could say that punctuation guy and I did not go out again, but alas, I did indeed commit to another date.  And honestly, the punctuation thing hasn't been as bad as it was the first time... the problem lay elsewhere with this poor guy, but that is a discussion for another day.....

For those of you who too young to  know who Victor Borge is, here is the link for your understanding... a rose is a rose even if it's old enough to know Victor Borge..... :)

A rose by any other age....

After a recent move to the uncharted wilds of Utah, I have been interested in the inexplicable preoccupation with my age.  Yes, I know I am closing in on the infamous 30, but when did this become of public concern??  So it has motivated me to confront this glaring issue and ask:  Who the heck cares what my age is??  I've come to find that it's not so much the question or the age that bothers me, it's more of the sympathetic tilt of the head and the response "but you are so cute" that usually comes after my response to the question that really gets under my skin.  Should I be less cute because I am now closer to 30 than 20?  This makes no sense to me.  Or is it that the general population believes only not cute people should be able to make it to 30 without being married?

I took this question to my co-worker, a 24 year old single male, who simply stated: "Women are like wine, they get better with age."  Now, I know he meant this to be a compliment but I couldn't help but think that this was also not an acceptable way of looking at things.  So should I wait till I am 40 before I am good enough to be had???  No!  Either way you look at it, there is stigma with the age.  Either I am too old to be single, or not old enough to be sweet.... make up your mind world!

I am simply a tweener roaming the world in between being too old and not old enough.  Too old for the sweet, non-jaded early 20-somethings, and not old enough to be a cougar.  After much thought regarding this, I have determined to challenge this concept of how old is too old or not old enough with my own declaration:

"A rose by any other age would still smell as sweet."

So to anyone who asks my age I will simply remind them that it does not matter!  Regardless if I am 23 or 33, I would still smell as sweet and still be me.... so take it or leave it!

Types of Men- the Manther

As I was perusing Urbandictionary.com (one of my fav websites by FAR!) I came across this type of man with whom I have recently become acquainted:  The Manther.  This is the male version of a cougar, or an older man who preys on young girls.  It's funny even as I say that I think "ew what a creeper!"  I know, I know, with the whole cougar thing this is me pot calling the kettle black, but still... ew....

I was at a party recently and there were far too many Manthers for my liking.  The problem with these guys is that they are so bitter and jaded that they become extremely full of themselves.  If I were to hold up a mirror for them they would see the suave and debonair man they once were when they had hair and an age that started with a 2.  These guys spend a lot of time in the gym getting ripped and then stop by the tanning salon to grab them some color.  They look at themselves and think "man I have never looked so good, I'm gonna get me a hottie that looks as good as me!"  Anyway, I digress... back to the party....  seeing as I am still in my 20's, I am still considered Manther bait and those Manthers are out on the prowl.  As I sat by the pool I could see the guys looking at me and each would take their turns coming up to "introduce themselves" and try to put their arm around me as many times as possible.  The women their age sat across the pool glowering at them, or maybe me I couldn't really tell which one they were looking at.  Any girl likes attention, and at first I will admit I was a little carried away with all the attention until someone stopped me in my tracks!  As one particularly tanned and bulky man was taking his turn talking to me, this girl (I could almost say woman, that's how old she is) walked up, looked at me, then at him and said "dad, I'm ready to go."  I looked at this young woman who was approximately my height, with makeup and an ASU t-shirt and was quickly doing the math in my head trying to figure out how old this guy must really be.  After some response in the affirmative, he leans over to me and says "that's my daughter.  I'm such a proud dad, she just finished her first year at ASU.  Hey didn't you say you went to ASU too?"  I mean really!  What do you say to that??!!  Uh yes, I actually DO go to ASU, maybe I'll cross paths with your daughter and we can be BFF's and maybe you can pick me up after class when you pick up your daughter too!  Um no....  I don't want to date a guy who could be my dad... NEXT!

Any girl that is my age and still single knows exactly what I am talking, and has been through this situation.  They have seen the balding 40 something year old guy still attending the Young Single Adult activities because as they say, they are young at heart.  Well 40 yr old creeper, you aren't, just accept it and stop touching my shoulders!  Anyway... that's all I have to say on that topic for now.....

It's a jungle out there for reals girls!  Happy hunting!

A Guy's Perspective

Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a guy after a date or during those precious "dude" moments??  Well I know more than I ever needed to know after reading the Mormon Bachelor Pad blog.  Calvin and Jake share raw, real emotion (well real is still being debated as they changed their names and the names of those involved leaving readers wondering if this is just some fat middle-aged man living out his fantasies through blog postings) as they try to navigate the wilds of the dating world in Provo, Utah.  You'll laugh, cry (over their stupid mistakes) and roll your eyes at their antics.  But really, you'll just know what you are up against when it comes to dating.  I just couldn't pass up sharing this jewel.  Happy reading!

Defined....

Alright, I have gotten quite a lot of feedback regarding the term "cougarette."  Many people seem to think I should be calling myself a Puma, however, as Urban Dictionary points out, I am too young to be a Puma hence the birth of the cougarette.  One day maybe I will rise through the ranks of women to cougardom, but until then I am happy to be referred to as a cougarette.  I know this might be confusing for some, so I would like to differentiate the various levels.  Oh yeah, let's break it down now!

• Cougarettes-  AKA "cougars-in-training", it is at this point that a women is beginning the journey to cougardom by completing her education, starting her professional career whatever that may be, and beginning to identify her strengths and weaknesses in order to better attract prey.  During this stage, Cougarettes are building their self-awareness skills, gathering dating and life experiences and increasing their confidence and self-esteem.  These are women in their 20's not yet old enough to be dating men extremely younger then them as they would be dating jail bait, and that's just gross.  The main idea in this stage is to date as many people possible in order to gather the experience needed in the future stages.
• Pumas- Pumas are women in their early to mid 30's dating men who are currently in their 20's. This is basically the learner's permit stage to cougardom, once you prove your skills and have allotted sufficient time, your training wheels will come off and you will be catapulted into cougarhood.  This stage is defined by a marked increase in confidence, self-worth, experience and skills with the men.  Pumas often roll in packs and can be found draped across a young man or two at parties or gatherings.  
• Cougars- This is the Holy Grail, you have arrived finally at this stage.  Training wheels are off and you now have a license to hunt.  Prey is now younger than you by 10 years or more without the worry of being arrested or having to go to prom with them.  A cougar is characterized by her ability to take care of herself monetarily and physically, with smoldering curves and the charm of only and experienced woman can have.  Men are easily taken by her as they can not resist the alluring glances of this woman as she is stalking her prey.  Oh yes women, you have arrived at this stage.  Men can't resist you and you now have your pick, do you play nice with a young and energetic man, or do you play hard ball with an older more experienced gentleman?  Your choice ladies.

Whew, with that out of the way I would like to just say thanks for reading my blog!  Feel free to comment or post questions!  I love comments and the stories everyone shares!  Up-coming topics:  types of men and why to stay away from them or which ones to love, how to attract prey and more horrificly funny dating stories!  Enjoy!

Top Things Never To Do EVER (For Guys!)

This entry is mostly for the purpose of cleaning up the dating world from all the slackers, bad-mannered, idiotic men that are plaguing the female society.  Yes girls, this one is for you!  Please accept this as my public service announcement against dating faux pas that seem to be happening across the globe.  So women, forward this to the men in your life and prevent them from falling into these pitfalls and endangering other females out there.  Friends don't let friends date idiotic guys....

1.  The term "powerful thighs" is not and will never be a compliment.  If you want to compliment a girl as a general rule stay away from talking about her hips, thighs or love handles and focus on her eyes or her shiny hair!


2.  When a girl says she would like to go for a casual, laid back evening, this does not mean eating pre-made sushi from AJ's Fine Foods.  Please guys, just because it says "Fine Foods" at the end does not make it suitable for dating, it's still a GROCERY STORE!


3.  If you are taking a girl to a store it better be for a purpose other than the fact that you've run out of body wash and want her opinion on what smells "manly."  First of all, your man card was revoked the moment you used the term "body wash," and second, being incapable of picking out a masculine smell is worrisome at best. 


4.  A winky face is not the equivalent to the "get out of jail free" card in Monopoly.  "Wow, put on a little weight huh? ;-)"  Oh yes, the combination of a semi-colon and parenthesis really did the trick to quell my anger.... NOT!.


5.  Hey guys, my eyes are up here!  (Enough said)


6.  Seriously guys, if you spend 45 minutes talking to one girl GET HER PHONE NUMBER!  Too much of our time is being wasted by the guys who are all talk and no action!  With the new millennium on us and women juggling the single life, gym time, career, education, etc, we just cannot spare those 45 mins on time stealers!  If she sat there and talked to you for that long without making an excuse to leave, she is into you so get her number!  So help me, if I hear "I just didn't get the chance to get your number" again I will scream.  Seriously, 45 mins was not long enough for you?  Did you need to waste another 15 mins to round out the whole hour that I could've been shamelessly flirting it up with a guy who has the guts to ask for the number????


7.  I'm sorry but you cannot simultaneously date roommates, for reals people, everyone knows that!   And by asking them both for permission does not make it ok.  For example:  "Hi ladies, I have this problem I want to share with you.  See I like you both and would like to date you both, is this going to be a problem?" (For reals someone said this to me, I can't make this stuff up!) Uh... yes, this clearly shows that there is a problem.... with your BRAIN! 

I could go on forever, but I will just stop here.  Really, what is wrong with some of these guys out there?  Were they raised in a barn??  Ladies, it is our job to train them up right and mold their impressionable minds.  Yes, we are like the masked crusaders out there trying to save the world from bad dates one impressionable man at a time.

Off to save another innocent soul from dating disaster,

Sincerely,

The Crush Crusader

*PS- if you have tips to share, please comment on this blog and spread the good word around!