Saturday, August 8, 2009

Love Lessons from grocery shopping on a Friday night

Ten years ago I would not have been caught dead in a grocery store on a Friday night, I would have been at home dialing up all of my girl friends to see where the party or fun times were at. Fast forward through the years, a full time job and school, and Friday nights have become more of a day to finally relax than it is to be social. This particular Friday night found me sitting on my bed channel surfing, just generally vegging out when I was hit with a sudden and nagging sweet tooth craving. After ignoring it for an hour or so, my mind began dreaming of all the desserts that would satisfy my craving urges.... mmm... donuts... lemon merangue....chocolate ice cream... marshmallow.... It didn't take long and I was up and out of the the door on my way to Frys. I walked in and went straight to the ice cream aisle with the thought that I was just gonna go for it! The sweets world was open to me. Little did I know this shopping experience was going to satisfy some greater urges for me and teach me some very valuable lessons.

Lesson #1- Too much of a good thing ends in heart burn! Last time this sweet tooth struck me I had grabbed a bad of marshmallows, graham crackers and frosting with a side of salt and vinegar chips to off set all of the sweet. After a glutenous night, I awoke with the WORST heart burn and vowed that if I ever made it through this (Dramatic I know, but if you've ever had heartburn you know what I am talking about!), I would never let things get out of control again. Of course, I just had an experience with a guy that was just like this. So sweet, so attentive, so appreciative... too much of a good thing! I of course just let myself go, and what did I end up with? Heart burn! It was wierd, as I grabbed for my massive load of sweets, I thought about him. See I know people can be wonderful and nice individuals, but I have found that in the dating world if they are too much of a good thing, they are gonna be trouble. Most people have insecurities that keep them from being "too much" in the very beginning of a relationship. When they don't, LOOKOUT! They are probably not showing you their true self. I don't mean to sound bitter, it's just a fact of human behavior. As Shrek says, we are like onions and have layers. It is natural to just slowly peel them away, be ware of those who are too much at once because it will often end in heart burn. If you are a too much at once person, I still have love for you but I will also do what I can to take you in small doses that will not feed my glutteny but rather just enough to keep me wanting more.

Lesson #2- Mace scares men, thanks mom and dad. For Christmas this year, my mom and dad gave me the gift of Mace (is that like the modern version of coal?). I work in some really bad neighborhoods and so they decided what I needed to keep me safe was a pepper spray key chain which I carry at all times even to the grocery store on a Friday night! I learned this lesson to be true as I was standing in the cereal aisle after having put back my glutenous sweet tooth fix and moved on to something a little less over the top, when I saw out of the corner of my eye a cute, young guy walking in my direction. I slightly turn and watch as he begins to look me up and down. He scans down and rests on my keys with the pepper spray in plain sight, quickly averts his eyes and picks up his pace. Ok, so the pace of his walk might have been in my mind, but he definitely looked at the pepper spray hanging from my key chain. So ya, use that lesson how you will. If you want to scare away guys carry pepper spray, if you don't leave it at home. Sweet tooth talking.... on to bakery aisle....

Lesson #3- As I walk over to the bakery aisle, I am surprised to see so many people out and about at 9:00 pm Friday night. Maybe they had the same sweet tooth? Kids are running around, some interesting looking people have entered the store, alcohol is everywhere, and strange things are happening... I have the thought, "wow, the full moon sure brought the crazies out tonight." Yes ladies, this is true in the dating scene as well! I don't know what it is but people are different when there is a full moon around. If you walk out and see it glowing brightly in the sky, just remember it will soon go down and those crazies and werewolves will soon go home!

Lesson #4- About an hour later, 4 laps around the store and frustration building, I find myself back at the ice cream aisle where I started. I have looked EVERYWHERE and nothing has stood out to me. Yes, there were plenty of things that would have been good, but I wanted to find something that would fully satisfy my sweet tooth craving. Desperation and frustration begin to take over and I begin to just grab for whatever is in front of me when suddenly I realized, I was settling! Now this lesson is a 2-part lesson. First, even after 4 laps around the "dating store" never settle! It will never fully satisfy you and you will be left feeling let down when the sweet is gone. Second, if you can't find what you are looking for at your store, the go somewhere else! As my hand was reached out to grab the orange cream cake I froze, "what am I doing?? I will not settle!" I turned on my heel and walked straight to my car. As I turned the corner of the parking lot I came head on with what I wanted... QT! I walked in and knew I had found what I wanted. I grabbed a Freezoni and skittles and was finally satisfied and happy. So listen, if at first you don't suceed, look somewhere else!

I know this seems like a lot to learn from just one shopping trip, but every single girl knows these are all lessons we learn at the very wrong times! Why didn't I learn the lesson before my heart got broken rather than in the grocery story after the fact? As men say, "who knows why women do what they do!" This is true, we are what we are. When highs are high our eyes are closed, but the instant we hit the lows our eyes pop wide open. So ladies, just sit back and enjoy the ride when you can, you'll learn our lessons when you get off!