Thursday, April 15, 2010


Alright, I have gotten quite a lot of feedback regarding the term "cougarette."  Many people seem to think I should be calling myself a Puma, however, as Urban Dictionary points out, I am too young to be a Puma hence the birth of the cougarette.  One day maybe I will rise through the ranks of women to cougardom, but until then I am happy to be referred to as a cougarette.  I know this might be confusing for some, so I would like to differentiate the various levels.  Oh yeah, let's break it down now!
  • Cougarettes-  AKA "cougars-in-training", it is at this point that a women is beginning the journey to cougardom by completing her education, starting her professional career whatever that may be, and beginning to identify her strengths and weaknesses in order to better attract prey.  During this stage, Cougarettes are building their self-awareness skills, gathering dating and life experiences and increasing their confidence and self-esteem.  These are women in their 20's not yet old enough to be dating men extremely younger then them as they would be dating jail bait, and that's just gross.  The main idea in this stage is to date as many people possible in order to gather the experience needed in the future stages.
  • Pumas- Pumas are women in their early to mid 30's dating men who are currently in their 20's. This is basically the learner's permit stage to cougardom, once you prove your skills and have allotted sufficient time, your training wheels will come off and you will be catapulted into cougarhood.  This stage is defined by a marked increase in confidence, self-worth, experience and skills with the men.  Pumas often roll in packs and can be found draped across a young man or two at parties or gatherings.  
  • Cougars- This is the Holy Grail, you have arrived finally at this stage.  Training wheels are off and you now have a license to hunt.  Prey is now younger than you by 10 years or more without the worry of being arrested or having to go to prom with them.  A cougar is characterized by her ability to take care of herself monetarily and physically, with smoldering curves and the charm of only and experienced woman can have.  Men are easily taken by her as they can not resist the alluring glances of this woman as she is stalking her prey.  Oh yes women, you have arrived at this stage.  Men can't resist you and you now have your pick, do you play nice with a young and energetic man, or do you play hard ball with an older more experienced gentleman?  Your choice ladies.
Whew, with that out of the way I would like to just say thanks for reading my blog!  Feel free to comment or post questions!  I love comments and the stories everyone shares!  Up-coming topics:  types of men and why to stay away from them or which ones to love, how to attract prey and more horrificly funny dating stories!  Enjoy!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Top Things Never To Do EVER (For Guys!)

This entry is mostly for the purpose of cleaning up the dating world from all the slackers, bad-mannered, idiotic men that are plaguing the female society.  Yes girls, this one is for you!  Please accept this as my public service announcement against dating faux pas that seem to be happening across the globe.  So women, forward this to the men in your life and prevent them from falling into these pitfalls and endangering other females out there.  Friends don't let friends date idiotic guys....

1.  The term "powerful thighs" is not and will never be a compliment.  If you want to compliment a girl as a general rule stay away from talking about her hips, thighs or love handles and focus on her eyes or her shiny hair!

2.  When a girl says she would like to go for a casual, laid back evening, this does not mean eating pre-made sushi from AJ's Fine Foods.  Please guys, just because it says "Fine Foods" at the end does not make it suitable for dating, it's still a GROCERY STORE!

3.  If you are taking a girl to a store it better be for a purpose other than the fact that you've run out of body wash and want her opinion on what smells "manly."  First of all, your man card was revoked the moment you used the term "body wash," and second, being incapable of picking out a masculine smell is worrisome at best. 

4.  A winky face is not the equivalent to the "get out of jail free" card in Monopoly.  "Wow, put on a little weight huh? ;-)"  Oh yes, the combination of a semi-colon and parenthesis really did the trick to quell my anger.... NOT!.

5.  Hey guys, my eyes are up here!  (Enough said)

6.  Seriously guys, if you spend 45 minutes talking to one girl GET HER PHONE NUMBER!  Too much of our time is being wasted by the guys who are all talk and no action!  With the new millennium on us and women juggling the single life, gym time, career, education, etc, we just cannot spare those 45 mins on time stealers!  If she sat there and talked to you for that long without making an excuse to leave, she is into you so get her number!  So help me, if I hear "I just didn't get the chance to get your number" again I will scream.  Seriously, 45 mins was not long enough for you?  Did you need to waste another 15 mins to round out the whole hour that I could've been shamelessly flirting it up with a guy who has the guts to ask for the number????

7.  I'm sorry but you cannot simultaneously date roommates, for reals people, everyone knows that!   And by asking them both for permission does not make it ok.  For example:  "Hi ladies, I have this problem I want to share with you.  See I like you both and would like to date you both, is this going to be a problem?" (For reals someone said this to me, I can't make this stuff up!) Uh... yes, this clearly shows that there is a problem.... with your BRAIN! 

I could go on forever, but I will just stop here.  Really, what is wrong with some of these guys out there?  Were they raised in a barn??  Ladies, it is our job to train them up right and mold their impressionable minds.  Yes, we are like the masked crusaders out there trying to save the world from bad dates one impressionable man at a time.

Off to save another innocent soul from dating disaster,


The Crush Crusader

*PS- if you have tips to share, please comment on this blog and spread the good word around!