Tuesday, January 11, 2011

To Be Or Not To Be.... That Is The Question!

In the words of Mary Katherine Gallagher: My feelings would be best expressed by a monologue from the play Hamlet... *uh hem*

To be single, or not to be single: (dramatic pause for effect)........ that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as a couple,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them as a single woman? The relationship to die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that is dating...

Ok alright, so I might have taken a teensy tiny bit of poetic license on that soliloquy in order to make it fit my thoughts a little better.  I'm sure Shakespeare wouldn't mind right??

This thought has been on my mind recently (well now that I am getting a little older), do we stay with a guy because he is "fun" but see no long term future with him, or do we save ourselves the time and effort and just end the thousand natural shocks that is dating??  That really is the question!

You know as much as I hate to admit it, the answer to this question seems to lie with age.  When I was a spry young girl I would date just for the fun of it.  If a guy called and wanted to go out, I'd happily say yes not even thinking about the future.  Now as a decrepit wiser woman, I find myself weighing my options a little more before answering in the affirmative:  is my time investment in this man going to be returned?  is this just for fun or can I see a real future with him?  is there potential here?

I mean, what happened to the carefree days of yore when we just went lah-dee-dah along our way, thinking more about the giddiness of the moment rather than the reality, and when did this reality sneak into my life??  At 29 years old should I still daydream like in my youth or is it time to buckle down and get serious about things?  Sigh.... I guess that depends who you'd ask.  If I asked this question of my friends they'd say "go out, have fun and who cares if there is a future or not, a free meal is a free meal."  Now if you asked my parents it would be a very different answer, "Kirsten, isn't it time to settle down yet?  Think about your future and where you want to be in a 5  years!"  Ah, this is the life of the in-between.  Not old enough to be old and serious, longing for my youth, but also not young enough to just wile away the hours with someone for a free meal.  What is a tweener to do???

The conclusion I've come to is in order to make my inner 20 yr old happy and to keep my 29 yr old happy, every now and again I need to just accept the free meal for what it is... a free meal..... and enjoy my time!  There are many years ahead that I can worry about dating potential and progress.  So, it is better to live in the gray in between single and taken while I navigate the world of dating.  When I find the one with potential for the future I'm sure I will finally have the answer to the questions: to be or not to be single!


Allyson & Jere said...

Well, at least you can have a sense of humor about it. What a pain in the butt! All of it!
And P.S. I miss talking to you.

Kirsten said...

I know I miss our weekly lesson/chat! And you are only seeing my sense of humor right now, you should see what I say to them in my head! lol

joseph michael said...

Love this blog. I thought it was about being a BYU Cougarette and almost smashed my computer, but I see now you are much wiser...even if you are a sprite youngster who is still in her 20's. how is that for some context? Don't listen to outside sources about settling down or exploiting young men for free meal tickets. Instead, follow your impulses and your heart far away from the madding crowd. At 28 this is what I'm trying to do as well. Oh, and for pete's sake, reciprocate the free meal every once in a while! This is a post feminism world after all. :)

Kirsten said...

Haha oh no I don't claim to be a cougar yet, just simply a cougar in training (or as I like to say a "cougarette"). This blog is just fun commentary on my dating life and the interesting people I come across. The funny thing is this blog post was born from a convo with a much younger co-worker who was talking about his reasons for staying with his girlfriend, and it just hit me that I somehow transitioned out of the stage where I would just have fun with someone even if I KNEW it wouldn't go anywhere. It's funny how things change... And yes, still in my 20's for a few more months....